Hi, its me again. I am here to rant about my days gone bad...

To start with, my dog died...

practically in an unfortunate way which made me very very upset..

Then i started to blame myself for what has happened..

knowing me, i will keep beating myself up..thinking that everything

that happened was always my fault.

Until today, i've been trying to find a reason why it died

but it keeps coming back to me that it died because of me...

and knowing also that this is life, certain being will leave us behind

cause nothing is immortal...

everything is mortal... everything come and go...

even though i keep telling myself to be strong and i should look forward instead of

keeping dawning on the past..

i am a Past person perhaps... unfortunately, i dawn on the past and pick up every

signal of the past to conclude the future.

Sometime people said, what happened in the past does not determine the future..

but what about history ? Without history, there won't be today and future is pre-dertermine

by referring to the past..

Hence, thats the reason why i take the PAST so seriously..

I am here to rant about my disappointments and regrets..

i am not the kind of person that says I REGRET...

I, in fact, rarely have regrets over what i have done so far...

if i were being asked whether i have any regrets, i shall confidently answer NO.

Nonetheless, over the past few months, i've beginning to feel a sense of regret.

A regret that i felt so deeply hurt and unable to pour out to anyone

keeping it inside me and trying my best to tolerate it..

I would say that the regret was

I did not take my dad's advise...

knowing that the person i hated the most but he mean good to me,

but i rejected his advise and went on my own way...

that is how i ended up here today..

once in a bluemoon, when i flash back over what my dad had said to me...

it dawn to me that everything he said was partially very very true..

and it is killing me day by day

because of the truth that it is happening to me now,

i felt so disappoint over my wrong doing...

probably i was young and naive and lost

to figure things out... i followed my emotions more than

i follow good advise...

knowing that things isn't going to work out anymore

but i am still hanging onto it...

i feel like it is back to square one....

i felt like the deeper i step into the situation,

the more messed up things turned out to be...

............

it is so difficult to pour everything here

atleast i am able to get my feelings out virtually

i am feeling much better

hoping and wish for the best tomorrow...